Author: Carol Underhill

Good Monday Morning 2-7-22

/ Carol Underhill / 1 Comment

Good Monday Morning

It is a good morning here in map-dot, Michigan. I was blessed to spend time with family this weekend, to attend church and work with the children’s ministry on Sunday, and to have time to relax and read.

Like all weekends, the time went by too fast. I usually have Mondays off but today I am working to make up for the time I will miss on Thursday when I go to a medical appointment.

Several thoughts came to mind throughout the weekend and I’m sharing them here. My life’s journey includes ups and downs like anyone else’s. However, because I have bipolar disorder and battle depression and anxiety, even small challenges can become overwhelming.

In 2021, I received many blessings.

I had two books published by Anaiah Press. I built up my blog and presence on social media, gaining a following of readers from various parts of the U.S. and other countries. My number of local readers also increased.

After trying a couple of different jobs, I finally found a job that I love and feel like I am good at. I’ve met interesting and lovely people who make the job rewarding.

I’ve also grown closer to my kids who are my greatest blessings in my life, in large part due to the pets we’ve rescued.

Around Thanksgiving, I started working with children’s church again, something I used to enjoy before Pat passed away.

In spite of these wonderful blessings, I found myself struggling with depression towards the end of 2021.

That struggle carried over into the month of January and began to affect my job.

Recognizing the depression because I have experienced it before, I sought help from my therapist. I’d forgotten the tools I learned in counseling.

I’d lost my way.

Now I’m working with my counselor to get back on track in the fight against depression. I’m also seeing my doctor about changes in my medication.

I’m trying to get back into exercising daily, which I had gradually given up starting around Thanksgiving. All the overeating over the holidays didn’t help and I ended up putting on a few pounds that I’d lost.

I also began to neglect my spiritual life as I stopped reading the Bible and praying which I’d been doing daily for many months.

Now I am carving time in my day for devotions so I can draw closer to God and gain wisdom in how to spend my days. And to help me treat the people in my life well.

What will 2022 bring?

I have an annual review of my job coming up. There have been some complaints from clients about me missing work. Most of the days I missed were due to mental health or physical ailments. I was exposed to Covid a few times and had to quarantine although I didn’t get sick. I know I can’t get fired for that, but I’m nervous about what the evaluation will show.

As far as my writing goes, after the initial excitement of my book releases died down, I was unable to complete work on two novellas that I’d started. Then came a contest that I wanted to enter which means increased writing time.

I’ve spent the past few days organizing my writing projects for the year which include one holiday novella and writing for the contest. I will concentrate on those two things and put the rest on the back burner until these are complete.

I’m also writing lessons for children’s church. I’m putting together curriculum that teaches the story of how Jesus grew from an infant who was born at Christmas to when He grew up and died on the cross and was resurrected.

I want to teach the children I’ll be working about how God loves all children, and all people, the same, no matter what their differences are.

In a world of hate and discord, I want the church to be a safe place where children can learn kindness towards each other. We adults need to learn that lesson as well.

In order to prepare these lessons, I have to believe and practice what I am teaching.

In my day job, it’s important that I show kindness and patience with the people I work for.

In my home life, it’s also important that I am patient and kind.

I still have days when I don’t feel those things, but I am confident enough to put them into practice regardless.

I know that God will give the strength to get through each day, to not only survive, but to thrive as I journey with Him through life.

From the Vault: February Sweethearts

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Romance is in the air as Valentine’s Day approaches. The day when sweethearts show their love for one another with cards, flowers, and candy. Many weddings are celebrated around that day. For myself and my husband, it was no different.

Pat and I started dating in May 1989. By August, we were unofficially planning our wedding. In November, the night before Thanksgiving, he proposed on bended knee and presented me with a diamond solitaire.

When we tried to figure out a wedding date, my grandma said, “Why don’t you have it in February? There’s nothing going on that month.”

Pat liked the idea of a February wedding. His birthday was February 12th, and Valentine’s Day of course is on the 14th. What easier way to remember his anniversary than to have our wedding on February 17th?

We didn’t have many weeks to plan or pay for our wedding, but somehow, we pulled off that big day. I had my dream wedding after our fairy-tale romance. We vowed to love each other “for as long as we both shall live.” For us, that was only twenty years.

I thought we would grow old together, but Pat passed away in August 2010 from a tragic work accident. Although time has healed my grief, February holds bittersweet memories.

The photo above was taken around the time of our engagement. I loved that dress. I’d looked at it in the store for a few weeks before I had the money to buy it. You can tell that I had stars in my eyes.

In spite of my loss, I’m a big fan of romance. In fact, I write about HEA’s (Happily Ever After’s) and believe they are possible. My marriage to Pat was too short, but the time I had with him was a gift from God.

Good Monday Morning 1-24-22

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Good Monday Morning.

My post is a little late again this week. I took advantage of having a day off and slept in. Well, first my dog woke me up at 4:00. I took her out and fed her then went back to bed. Even without my electric blanket, I slept until 9:00. Those extra hours of sleep were a luxury.

After I woke up the second time, I brewed a cup of coffee first before I sat down at the computer.

For a Christmas present, my kids gave me a coffeepot that has a 12-cup carafe on one side and a one-cup brewer on the other. I haven’t made coffee in the large carafe yet, because I only drink one cup at a time. But I love the fact that I don’t have to have a reservoir for the water, just pour in a cup of water at a time. And I also don’t have to use those expensive pods. I can use my own grounds.

My favorite cup of coffee is a blend of hazelnut and Mackinac Island fudge flavors. I ran out of the fudge flavor two months ago, so I’ve been drinking plain hazelnut blend as well as several flavored coffees that I received as Christmas gifts. I miss the hazelnut-fudge blend, though.

I’ve promised myself that the fudge-flavored coffee is my reward for meeting my writing goals.

Unfortunately, as of today, I haven’t yet met any of the goals that I had set for the first of the year.

So far in January, I’ve spent my time wading through the emotional waters of depression. I haven’t sunk beneath the waves yet, but I seem to be just muddling through my days.

I think part of the reason for the depression is the winter season which affects many of us. That goes alone with my worries about the winter weather and the thought of staying inside where it’s warm.

Another part of the reason for the lethargy, as I mentioned last week, is a poor diet and lack of exercise over the holidays. Also, I haven’t been putting as much focus on reading the Word of God as I have on reading my Kindle.

I am a work in progress, just like my writing.

My stories, like a good cup of coffee, have to brew first.

I start the writing process by thinking about the characters and forming a picture of them in my mind. How old are they? What are their strengths and weaknesses? Why are they attracted to one another?

I also form a picture of the setting. Where will the story take place? What time of year will it be?

I think up scenes and dialogue when I am working with my hands at tasks that don’t require much concentration.

Spiritual growth takes place in me as I write. My stories are woven with my faith. The threads of wisdom that I have learned through my own struggles helps me resolve the conflict that my characters face.

I am often moved emotionally throughout the writing process. Sometimes, I wrote an emotional scene with tears streaming down my face.

The goals that I set were to finish two novellas and prepare a story to submit to a contest. This week, I will work towards those goals as best as I am able.

That Mackinac Island Fudge coffee is waiting for me at the finish line.

From the Vault: Jesus my Belayer

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This post was originally published in January 2021.

Jesus My Belayer

Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m not an outdoorsy type person. I’m also very afraid of heights, so you would not ever catch me rock climbing. However, the idea of rock climbing became very significant to me last week.

I was under a lot of stress and felt like I was falling into a pit of anxiety and depression. I’ve been there before. I’ve worked very hard in the past 7 years to stay out of the pit. There have been times when I’ve slipped and almost fallen. Thanks to God’s grace, and the support of family and friends, I’ve managed to find the footholds to climb out before I hit the bottom.

This past week, however, I struggled with the idea of trying to claw my way out of the pit that stress had caused.

Psalm 94:18-19 reads:

“When I said, my foot is slipping, your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great with me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.” (NIV)

The image of a rock climber came to mind as I thought about my struggle. Not knowing anything about it, I took a look at some photos and watched videos of rock climbers. I was impressed by the use of a belayer to assist in a safe climb.

Wikipedia describes the belaying process as follows:

“As the climber moves on the climb, the belayer must make sure that the climber has the right amount of rope by paying out or pulling in excess rope. If the climber falls, they free-fall the distance of the slack or unprotected rope before the friction applied by the belayer starts to slow their descent. Too much slack on the rope increases the distance of a possible fall, but too little slack on the rope may cause the climber to “whip” or swing into the rock at a high velocity, possibly injuring themselves. It is important for the belayer to closely monitor the climber’s situation, as the belayer’s role is crucial to the climber’s safety.”

I had the idea that Jesus is my belayer as I climb the wall of life. He holds the rope, and He is attached to me through my relationship with Him. Though my foot may slip, He’s not going to let me crash to the ground.

Of course, I have some personal responsibility when it comes to my safety. I have to choose my path wisely. I can’t expect Jesus to save me when I am climbing outside the safety of His will. And the Bible makes clear what His will is in almost every situation that I face.

To stay out of the pit and climb successfully through life, I need the firm foundation of the Word of God. That foundation is the truth of who I am in Christ.

What is that truth?

God loves me.

God forgives me.

God accepts me.

I am a child of God.

As you climb the rock wall of life’s stresses, harness yourself to the One who created you, who knows you better than you know yourself, and who wants you to be fulfilled and blessed.

Make Jesus your belayer.

He will make sure you have the right amount of rope to safely climb and succeed in your life.

Good Monday Morning 1-17-22

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(I’m a little late getting this posted. It will be afternoon before it’s published.)

I’m about as motivated to get my day started as Anna appears in the above photo. That’s like me, just hanging out and relaxing. And here it is almost noon already. I’d intended to clean a client’s house this morning but she had something come up and needed to cancel. So I have an unexpected day at home.

I woke up at 7:30 which is late for me. I prefer to get up around 4:00 am. And usually if I’m not awake by then my dog whines until I wake up as she wants to be fed. This morning she let me sleep.

It might because my kids were cooking when I got up. Since they work third shift, they were preparing food for their lunches this week. My son was cooking chicken breasts. My daughter was making a semi-homemade pasta Alfredo.

At the same time, I was preparing my morning coffee and toast.

Our schedule is a little mixed up around here. I’m getting up as my kids (two adult children who live with me) are getting ready to go back to bed. I’m cooking breakfast food while they are eating pizza or dinner entrees.

I don’t mind the mixed up hours, though. I get to spend a few hours with them before they go to bed I leave for the day. In the event that I don’t have to work, I try to stay quiet so they can sleep.

My dog likes to interrupt their sleeping, though. I don’t know if she likes it, per se, but she does it often. When she hears a noise outside of a loud truck she barks. When I get home from work she barks and carries on. I know my kids don’t always get all the sleep they need.

Maybe it’s payback for when they were infants and they kept me awake. LOL.

I know they will likely move out in the next few years, but I like having them as roommates. As a single, widowed woman in her mid-fifties, it’s nice to not have an empty house to myself. As if it could be empty, with several cats and a dog, but it’s also nice to have the human conversations and contact for a few hours a day.

In the past, I’ve lived in my head most of the time. When I wasn’t reading or writing, I was dreaming up dialogue and scenes for my stories. Sometime last fall, that drifted away from me. I decided I need to get out and do something that was beyond myself. And I did.

Now, it seems like, I can’t get back into my head. Back into those stories.

Where did the scenes and dialogue go?

What happened to my creativity?

Over the holidays, I ate whatever I wanted and stopped my daily exercise. I also stopped my daily devotions.

I gave up some very good habits that I’d developed over the past three years. And that past three years has been the most productive time of my life as far as my writing and marketing go.

Hmm. Maybe giving up those good habits has affected my creativity.

I don’t really have any excuses, except “I don’t feel like it.”

Isn’t that what a teenager or a child might say?

Have I regressed to a time in my life when I did whatever I felt like and didn’t care if if affected anyone else? Or didn’t do something that was expected of me because I didn’t feel like it?

I have some problems with depression and anxiety. I’ve been very vocal about my journey thus far. So it is with honesty this morning that I admit I have messed up by not sticking with the things that are important to my spiritual and physical health. If those are off balance, it’s no wonder that my mental health and creativity are suffering.

I can’t get back the past six weeks or so of time, but I can make the changes I need to get back “in the groove”. This morning, I’m listening to my favorite inspirational songs on Spotify, hoping that it will light a spark in me to motivate me to do the things I know to do.

Here is one of my favorite songs that will jumpstart anyone’s day.
“Rattle” by Elevation Worship.

It’s enough to motivate me to get on my pedaler and get my heart rate going.

But first, I’ll finish this cup of coffee.