Finding Truth in Your Thoughts: Steps to Healing

Week 2 of my Journey out of the Pit

Last week I shared insights from my Christian counselor. When I was in the pit of depression, the truths that I learned were the rungs that helped me climb my way out of the pit.

I first had to recognize that what I believed about myself was not the truth about me.

In one session, my counselor was trying to print something and had to change the default printer to a different one. She said that it was similar to what takes place in my thought process.

My “default” feelings:

Blaming myself when something goes wrong

Thinking that everything bad that happens is my fault.

Feeling that I am not worth anything or a bother to someone else.

Believing that I am less ____ than anyone else

Harboring resentment

Feeling guilty for past sins or mistakes

To find healing from the depression, I needed to let go of these thoughts. I needed to learn to Stop, to Catch my Thought, and to Change the Default.

Replace the negative thoughts with the truths about who I am. (See Previous Post: Climbing Out of Depression: Key Steps to Healing).

Phillipians 4:8 gives us an illustration about the things we as Christians are to think about:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Remember, our feelings affect our thoughts, and our thoughts influence our actions.

Often times I feel like people don’t like me, or I did something dumb and they now think poorly of me. My thoughts turn against me, telling me that I’m a bad person or I’m unlovable.

When I think like that, I turn inward and pull away from people who care about me or stop going to the places where the events happened.

I am my own worst enemy. But my feelings are not facts.

A few of the facts about me are:

  • I’m not dumb.
  • I am who I am because that’s how God made me
  • I’m okay the way I am.
  • I’m not like everyone else.
  • I might have made a bad choice but that does not make me a bad person.

When we catch ourselves in a negative thought, we can turn it around and replace it with a positive truth, or affirmation. We can learn to change the default thought.

No one can do this for us. We can only do this for ourselves, and by the grace of God.

I’m not suggesting that this is easy. In fact, it’s very hard to change the way we’ve thought about ourselves for so long.

We need to take this healing process one step at a time. One day at a time.

Don’t look at a week, a month, or a year.

“THIS is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

My Basketball Man: A Poetic Tribute

There he goes

Look at him now

Moving across the floor

Dribbling that ball

Passing it. Wow!

He just scored two more.

He’s my basketball man

Moving as fast as he can

Those rippling muscles

That flash of tan.

There goes my basketball man.

I wrote the above poem during a time when our high school basketball team was in tournaments. I loved that squeak of basketball shoes on the gym floor, the fast pace (and it didn’t hurt that some of the players were good-looking).

I didn’t show anyone the poem then. I hadn’t remembered it much until this week.

I didn’t date in high school. One or two dates the summer before my senior with someone who didn’t go to the same school I did, but I usually don’t count that. (Mostly because I feel bad for the way I ended it).

Leaving high school insecurities behind, I went away to a Christian college. There, I was asked out by a few different guys. I went out with whoever asked me, finding dating in the protective climate fun.

A college junior who was on the basketball team asked me out. I accepted. He was 6’6″ tall. I remember telling him guys back home didn’t grow that tall. He found something he liked in the country girl I was, and I became his girlfriend. The relationship never got off the ground. He ended it a few weeks later. I was hurt by the way he ended it, but I eventually bounced back.

I made some poor judgment calls when it came to dating, and I also went out with some nice young men.

But I didn’t find one that stuck.

Until I met my husband when I was 24. He was a year older. We married 10 months after we started dating.

He loved sports of all kinds.

Especially basketball. He enjoyed watching professional basketball on TV (along with every other sport).

He also played in a local league.

And with his brother and various friends, he entered 3-on-3 tournaments, some local and some with the Gus Macker games.

With him playing, I found that I enjoyed watching basketball again.

He really fit that poem I’d written in high school.

He moved fast across the court

he had skills with dribbling and shooting

and…

…well, he was tanned.

…and muscled.

A very good-looking man.

As we grew older, he quit playing basketball and started golfing, more of an “old man’s” sport.

But he never lost his love of the game.

And I never lost my love for him.

It’s been a while since I’ve watched a game in person, and I’m not much of a TV sports fan. But I have great memories of watching him.

My basketball man.

I share this because today is his birthday. He would have been 62 this year. He’s forever young in my memory.

Finding Hope After Heartbreak

A while back, I thought God was doing something new in my life. For months I was excited about the possibilities, until I discovered that what I wanted was not in His plan for me.

Today I cried over the loss of a dream. Then I prayed in earnest to my Heavenly Father, who brought me peace.

After that prayer, I sat down at my computer and opened a file for a story I’d begun last winter. I’d actually started two different versions of it. Today I copied and pasted it into one document. I began line by line edits as I read back through what I’d already written. It isn’t finished yet but I made great progress today.

My heroine struggled with feelings of being unloved and unwanted, and it led her to make poor choices as a teenager. Then she spent the next decade trying to bury her feelings of regret, and continued to make terrible decisions in relationships and life in general.

At the beginning of this story, she is 30 years old and facing the consequences of her actions.

A broken heart, a lost dream, a fall into depression —

While I can relate to this heroine in some ways, God protected me from making the choices this heroine made. Throughout my life, I’ve tried to stay true to my faith. God honored my choices with an amazing husband who was faithful to both myself and to God. Losing him was my life’s worst heartbreak.

But there have been a few times in the past 15 years when my heart has cracked. And each time I feel like I am falling apart, God puts the pieces back together.

I am never quite the same as I was before the heartbreak, but God always does something better when He restores my hope.

In this Season of Hope, I pray that you will find comfort in the Loving God who can fix broken hearts and broken relationships.