Loss. There is no way to avoid it. In this world that is temporary, we humans will experience many kinds of losses.
This morning I am grieving the loss of my my dad. Although it’s been 17 years since he passed away, the anniversary date was this weekend.
The loss of my dad was made harder because of losing my mom the previous November. With both gone, I had no parents. The oldest generation in my immediate family was gone.
My siblings and I are now the oldest generation. My parents died too young but both lived a full life. Their Christian faith inspired me to serve the Lord in church ministry. They were both involved in their local churches since young adulthood. There are many who have expressed gratitude for my parents’ Christian influence. There will be many jewels in their heavenly crowns for the souls they won to Christ.
When my dad passed away, good friends gave us a basket of plants that my siblings gave it to me. My husband and I planted one in front of our deck. It thrived. It’s called a Spirea plant. It blooms with white flowers that turn purple. The blooms don’t last very long but…
It blooms on almost the same day that my dad passed away. This past weekend was the anniversary date. Sure enough, the white flowers popped out and are already turning purple.
Beside the plant we put a stepping stone that was given to us by the same family at the funeral of my mom. It reads, “When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” It is very fitting because I treasure the memories of both Mom and Dad.
A few years ago, my youngest son asked who was buried there. I didn’t realize he thought it was a grave. I assured him no one was and that it was a memorial stone. I don’t know if he remembers his grandparents as he was only four when they passed away. But he was loved by them and their love will always be a part of him.
My parents left a legacy of faith and love that touched many lives that I pray will continue on through my children also.
I love the colors and scents of fall. I miss the days of watching my sons play football and listening to my daughter in the marching band. Hot chocolate, nachos, sitting on the bleachers cheering them on.
I love the changing colors of the leaves outside my windows.
I like going to the apple orchard. I especially enjoy apple cider and pumpkin spice donuts.
Do you know what I also love about fall? God’s grace is evident in the changing of seasons. The words, “this too shall pass” brings to mind the fact that we go through seasons in our lives. Childhood, young adulthood, career establishment, weddings, becoming parents—seasons that bring us joy.
Then we might go through seasons that bring us sorrow—loss of a career, a spouse through death or divorce, financial hardships.
God is with us in the good seasons, and He is especially near to us in the seasons of heartache.
I lost my husband in 2010 after only 20 years of marriage. We were in our mid-forties. I thought I would never get past the grief.
However, that season of grief has passed because of the gifts of a loving and supportive family, a network of good friends, a church family who prayed for me, a counselor to help me through the especially dark times.
I will always miss my husband, as if a part of me has been amputated (C.S. Lewis).
But I’ve found joy in life again. As an expression of that joy, I welcome you to participate in a giveaway for a copy of my novella.
What is your favorite part of fall?
A. Color change of leaves
B. Football
C. Marching Band
D. Youth Hunt
E. Pumpkin spice anything
F. Apple orchard
Go to my Facebook author page to post your answer for a chance to win.
I sat back and read most of the weekend when what I really needed to do was write. I had my son set up my microphone/headset this morning and am going to try the dictation program again. It makes a lot of errors, but it is faster and easier to get into character when I’m talking through it instead of typing.
This morning I woke up grumpy. I wasn’t very nice to my kids. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
Then, I did know.
GRIEF
It’s part of the grieving process to get angry, and for a short time this morning, the anger broke through the peace. I’m sure there will be more moments like that as I go through this week, feeling just a little off from what has become a peaceful and confident life.
This Monday starts a difficult week for me emotionally. Eleven years ago tomorrow, a coworker of my husband came to my door around 11 a.m. and told me Pat had been hurt and he was taking me to the hospital. He’d been electrocuted when the arm of a truck he was working on hit a power line. After a few days in the hospital, he passed away on 8/21/2010.
The rock that I had leaned on for the 20 years while we were married was gone, and I had to learn to live life, and raise my kids, on my own.
Yet I was never really alone. I had the amazing support of family and friends. Even people I didn’t know very well were praying for me. There were some rough patches, but through it all, God brought healing from the grief.
Still, even though the feeling of loss is most often not present, this week brings it all back.
This morning I take the time to honor a wonderful man.
I think I fell in love with him at first sight but managed to hide it for a few months (there’s a story there). When we did start dating, it didn’t take me long to realize he was the one. I bought a bassinet at a garage sale and started looking at wedding dresses.
We started dating in May, and by August we started talking about a winter wedding. He proposed the night before Thanksgiving, and I returned to work with an exquisite diamond on my hand and a permanent smile on my face.
We weren’t sure when to have the wedding. My grandma said February was a good month to get married because there was nothing going on in February. We planned a wedding around Valentine’s Day. I had stars in my eyes and my head in the clouds for those weeks leading up to the wedding. We decided to wait until our wedding night to become intimate, due to our faith and traditional values.
The night of rehearsal, we had a blizzard. The next day, our wedding day, was sunny and bright. We took a short honeymoon and I moved into his trailer, and we made a home.
It was a good life. Not perfect, but we loved each other. After we had our kids, there were some hectic years, but we still kept the romance alive.
When the accident happened, we were in a good place in our marriage. On Sunday mornings we enjoyed a cup of coffee together and attended a new church, where we’d decided to settle after years of searching.
Our sons were in football, our daughter was in marching band, and we were both working. Things weren’t perfect at our jobs, but we were getting through life the best we could.
When Pat passed away, he left life insurance. He was hurt at work, so there was compensation from that. We were pretty well set financially. I paid off the house and got some major work done while I had the life insurance money.
When it ran out, and my son aged out of the Social Security Survivor’s Benefit, I struggled financially. I had previously been unable to work, diagnosed with some mental health issues. I tried for disability but was denied every time. I got a job working as a caregiver to my cousin, but when she passed away, I had to start over again.
By God’s grace, a job opened up for me as a housekeeping aide for the Commission on Aging. I like what I do. I have met some amazing seniors with great stories.
The pay isn’t enough to meet my needs, however. This week I will return to the deli where I was working when my husband passed away, making salads and sandwiches and taking care of stock, for 6-10 hours per week. It’s four miles from home. The extra income will tip the scales to allow me to pay for big expenses that come up as well as save some money for the future.
With two books published and a contract for a third, I am living my dream of being an author. I have several future books in progress. And I haven’t forgotten about the Courage series, which was so popular when I was self-published.
As I take this moment and reflect back on what I lost, a good husband and my faithful partner in life, I also acknowledge what God has blessed me with:
Good friends, a supportive family, and a job that brings me peace of mind. I’m healthy and have a great future ahead of me. God will be with me every step of the way, and I praise Him for the work he has done, and will continue to do, in my life.
Inspirational Author 