Life’s Journey

From the Archives:  Finding Joy Again

/ Carol Underhill / 2 Comments

Having an Advent wreath in my home is something that I didn’t start until a year or two after my husband passed away. At the time, I was looking for a way to make Christmas more meaningful to my son, who was in elementary school at the time. So I bought an Advent wreath. It was plain with brackets for the candles, so I made it more festive with fake greenery I had on hand.

I purchased the candles as a set. I bought a long lighter and a candle snuffer so my son could participate in the lighting of the candles. (His favorite part being “unlighting” them.)

For a few years, we did this together, then he reached his teens and no longer cared to participate.

I continued setting up my Advent wreath at Christmastime and lighting the candles each year. (I always have to dig out the little pamphlet that tells what each candle means, but that’s okay.)

I’m not always a frugal person, but in this instance, I was. Year after year I used the same candles until they were melted down about halfway.

This year I decided it was time for new candles. I ordered some online.

When they arrived I was disappointed that one had cracks in it. And they didn’t quite fit my wreath.

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As you can see from the picture above, they are leaning a little.

This year it was hard for me to think about lighting the candle for Joy. We’ve experienced loss in our extended family and a very dear friend also began her journey with grief. I didn’t really feel the joy of the season, so I didn’t light the candle.

Now it was nearly the close of the third week of Advent. And I still had not lit my candles.

Today, as I went about my day, the words of the song, “Through all of It” by Colton Dixon kept coming to me.

(I’ll post the link to the YouTube video below).

The lyrics that were running through mind are:

“I have Won, I have Lost, I got it right but sometimes I have not. Life’s been a journey, I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret, but You have been my God through all of it.”


I played the song on my music app. I read the lyrics as I listened. 
After listening to the whole song, I was inspired to light my Advent candles.
I lit the candles for Hope, Peace, and yes, I even lit the candle for Joy (The pink one).

The words of the song are so true. My life has been a journey. There’s been times of both joy and pain, it seems, and oh so many regrets.

As you can see in the photo, my candles are leaning a little. My Joy candle is not very strong in its position.

Sort of like my emotions this year.

My Joy is faltering a little. It isn’t very strong.

But I was still able to light it, and while leaning, the candle is secure in its brass holder. (Like we are in God’s love.)

It was only lit for a minute or two, while I played through the song, “Through all of It.”

By taking this moment in my day to focus on the reason for this season, I felt hope that there will again be joyous celebrations ahead.

As promised, here is a link to the Lyrics video on YouTube, “Through all of It” by Colton Dixon.

The End Goal

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

Our Detroit Tigers worked hard playing baseball but didn’t quite make it to their goal.

On the other hand, our Detroit Lions are consistently winning their football games after many years of living with defeat.

Football and baseball players invest their lives in the sport and work hard towards the goal of winning championship titles.

I never liked playing sports. I couldn’t hit, throw or catch a baseball. The one time I played backyard football I didn’t realize when the quarterback threw the ball to me I couldn’t throw it to someone else. Everyone was running towards me, and I wanted to get the ball out of my hands.

Could I have become better with more practice?

Maybe I could have, but you never know. I didn’t try.

My goal in school wasn’t to play on sports. No, it was to write stories that other people could read.

I attended college with an eye on journalism. I got sidetracked when I went on to Mexico to study, then returned a few years later to teach.

My goal at that time was to become a mission–or rather, a Missus. I had my eye on the prize, wanting to become a bride. When my husband came into my life, I got caught up in a whirlwind of romance and married him nine months later. (No regrets).

Now my goal became to have children. So a year and a half after our wedding, our first child was born, then a year and a half after that, our daughter. (No regrets).

Okay, a boy and a girl. A few years later, we made the choice to try for one more, and successfully became a family of 5. (No regrets).

Then my husband passed away while my older two were teenagers and youngest only ten.

Now we were a broken family circle.

I felt defeated. Lost and confused. Angry and trying not to question God. My husband used to say, we’re all going to die sometime. But why him, why now?

And how could I possibly go on without him?

One day at a time.

One song at a time played in those moments when I needed the extra words.

Time after time of crying out to God in my loneliness and heartache.

I got up each morning, got the kids off to school, took the dog out in the yard.

Yet daily I struggled with grief compounded by mental health issues.

Over time it became apparent that I needed help to get to a better place in life.

I found that help. I stuck with it, worked hard on the things I could change and got back into church.

Today I am coping with life better than I thought I ever would. I have minor setbacks and defeats, but overall I am in a good place.

My goal is back to writing stories, where I first began in high school. Fortunately, none of those are still in existence. One time on a whim, I tossed them all in the dumpster. (No regrets).

What are some of my other goals today?

To maintain a purpose in life. To work hard and support myself financially.

To love my kids without reservation and to make good memories with them.

To encourage others who are on various paths in life and judge them not.

My end goal?

To meet Jesus and finally learn the answers to all the questions I’ve had in this life. To dance for joy in his presence.

Go Detroit Lions! Win big this year.

Lost car keys, again?

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

I have errands to run this morning. But I woke up before three a.m. and didn’t know if I’d get back to sleep. If I couldn’t sleep longer then I wouldn’t feel like getting out and, well, I’d already placed a grocery order.

My kids were still up. They work second shift so they stay up until the middle of the night then sleep until noon. It isn’t often that I’m awake in the middle of the night but when I am, we have a chance to chat.

Lately I’ve wasted time looking for my car keys when I have to go somewhere. At four this morning, I decided to find them and put them beside my purse. So I would be ready to just walk out the door.

Only I couldn’t find them. I searched everywhere. Pants pockets even though they’d been washed, floor under the table, underneath the clutter on the counter and table, washer, dryer – I grew frustrated and concerned about them.

I prayed about it. Lord, please let me find my car keys.

When I paused in my search, I remembered I’d taken them with me when my brother picked me up to take me somewhere last week. I’d laughed about it then, because I hadn’t needed MY car keys.

So I concluded that I must have left them in my brother’s van. It was too early to call him. I ended up falling back asleep for a couple of hours. This time when I woke up and thought about my car keys, I remembered I’d worn a jacket the day my brother picked me up so I checked the pocket of that jacket.

Found them.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for loving me enough to help me find my car keys even though it’s a minor inconvenience. The errands could have waited.

But this isn’t the first time I’ve prayed over losing my car keys and found them with a nudge shortly after praying.

I thought about how God blessed me with this little win. I wondered why, when other people are facing such horrible circumstances right now.

The small prayers that God answers help prepare us for the big things that come up. If we can trust God to pray and know that He will answer in the minor things we ask for, we can trust that when we pray for the big things He will answer those, too.

Just because: Here’s a view of a peaceful haven where I’ve spent time praying and singing and visiting with friends.

Good Monday Morning July 15, 2024

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

It’s been a few months since I wrote a blog post. And before that, it had been almost a year.

What have I been up to? Many of you may not know that in 2010, my husband passed away from a tragic work accident. My faith in God remained strong through my grief, but the light of joy in my life was buried in darkness. For several years, I floundered like a fish out of water as I tried to find my path as a widowed single mom.

After my kids were raised, I found my way back to church to stay. In November 2021 I returned to the church I was raised, married, buried my parents and my husband in. Friends welcomed me back with open arms.

I began working with the Sunday morning children’s ministry. That led to writing curriculum, coming up with ideas and activities for usually two or three children.

I found my joy in life again.

But I stopped writing fiction. Instead, my focus was on God’s word. Bringing stories and Bible truths to life for kids. My heart expanded as I found fulfillment spending time with the kids.

Soon, almost three years had passed since I’d written a word of fiction. I really felt there were stories in my head that needed to be told, about characters who’d stayed in the back of my mind as I went about the normalcy of life. Every time I tried to write about them, however, I felt writer’s block.

In June, a few weeks ago, I rented a room at a bed and breakfast in a town not far away from home. The 130-year-old house with 11,000 square feet was steeped in local history. They had a twenty-four hour kitchen and my favorite brand of coffee with a Keurig.

I’d recently purchased a mini word processor that was like a laptop only made for writing. There aren’t many editing keys so it’s hard to go back and change what I write. That moves the story forward without distractions. I put it to use. One early morning in their back sunroom I broke through the writer’s block.

I returned home, and within three weeks I’d completed a novella. I’m currently working on a sequel to one of my other books and hope to have it done this month. Ambitious, you might say, but doable.

What happened to writing for children’s ministry?

There are many good resources available and while I am stepping back as leader of the children’s program, I am going to continue as a helper or shift my focus to the younger age.

God is faithful. In spite of my husband’s death, or maybe because of it, I understand the faithfulness of God. There were dark times, but God shone his light through them, like light through the trees of a forest. Friends, family and especially my children brought joyous moments and filled my life with love and blessings.

One day, I broke through the forest. The joy of the Holy Spirit brought me out of the darkness and shadows.

Was it easy? Was it perfect?

No, and no. But it was a change that I felt and showed in the way I looked at life and handled its challenges.

Walk this road with me. Cast all your grief and failures on Jesus. His shoulders are strong enough to carry your burdens. His Holy Spirit longs to fill your heart with joy and love and peace and all of the blessings of God the Father.

In times of uncertainty, I choose to remain faithful to God and stand in his strength. Let me be the hand that reaches out to you and helps you out of the pit of darkness.

Feed the Light (Previously published in February 2023.)

/ Carol Underhill / 1 Comment

This post came about almost one year ago when I was really struggling with my faith and felt quite hopeless. I share it here today as a testimony that God has shown His great faithfulness to me. But for anyone who needs to hear this uplifting message I share this original post:

It’s been a rough week.

I wish sometimes life would be good all the time, but that is not the case. Not for anyone. The tide ebbs and flows. The sun rises and the sun sets. Seasons change. We grow from helpless infants and travel through life only to find most of us helpless as we reach our final breath. The darkness comes at night, only to become light again as the sun rises.

“Feed the Light.”

Those were the words whispered in my ear last night.

As I said, it’s been a rough week. After some tests to find out what is causing abdominal pain, a doctor I saw in a walk-in clinic took time to talk to me about it and find out what was going on. She ordered an MRI so she can look at the big picture. I hope to find out what is causing the pain, yet if it is something serious, I don’t know if I want to know. People deal with pain all the time, but sometimes there are serious conditions causing that pain. Since I haven’t received a call to schedule the MRI yet, then there is nothing I can do but wait.

And pray.

And trust in God’s faithfulness.

I also may be facing laser surgery to correct glaucoma. It is a scary thought to me, to be so vulnerable to eye surgery. But without it, I could lose my eyesight. I have an appointment scheduled to see the specialist in December.

Again, there is nothing to do but wait.

And pray.

And trust in God’s faithfulness.

Our God is a good God, but not everything that happens in life is good.

We live in a fallen world full of darkness. God is our source of Light and Strength.

I wasn’t myself yesterday. I think the pain, the missed time from work, the fear of the unknown, all weighed heavy on my mind.

Late yesterday afternoon I found myself hurtled towards the darkness of the pit of depression.

“Feed the Light.”

Those words came to me.

I got out my phone and fired up my Spotify playlist.

As I listened to the worship music and meaningful lyrics of contemporary Christian songs, I am thankful that my hope is in the Lord.

I couldn’t help but find the source of my strength and hope as I played the song.

This morning, I still don’t have answers. I still have pain. Yet I have found my hope.

I have once again avoided falling into the dark pit of depression.

God is good. And faithful. He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

He is my Light.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1