Life’s Journey

Finding Hope After Heartbreak

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

A while back, I thought God was doing something new in my life. For months I was excited about the possibilities, until I discovered that what I wanted was not in His plan for me.

Today I cried over the loss of a dream. Then I prayed in earnest to my Heavenly Father, who brought me peace.

After that prayer, I sat down at my computer and opened a file for a story I’d begun last winter. I’d actually started two different versions of it. Today I copied and pasted it into one document. I began line by line edits as I read back through what I’d already written. It isn’t finished yet but I made great progress today.

My heroine struggled with feelings of being unloved and unwanted, and it led her to make poor choices as a teenager. Then she spent the next decade trying to bury her feelings of regret, and continued to make terrible decisions in relationships and life in general.

At the beginning of this story, she is 30 years old and facing the consequences of her actions.

A broken heart, a lost dream, a fall into depression —

While I can relate to this heroine in some ways, God protected me from making the choices this heroine made. Throughout my life, I’ve tried to stay true to my faith. God honored my choices with an amazing husband who was faithful to both myself and to God. Losing him was my life’s worst heartbreak.

But there have been a few times in the past 15 years when my heart has cracked. And each time I feel like I am falling apart, God puts the pieces back together.

I am never quite the same as I was before the heartbreak, but God always does something better when He restores my hope.

In this Season of Hope, I pray that you will find comfort in the Loving God who can fix broken hearts and broken relationships.

Good Monday Evening 9-15-25

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

Autumn is my favorite season. We call it “fall” around here. Living in the rural community in Michigan where we experience four very different seasons, there is a thrill in the air when the temperatures cool at night, the trees begin to show their colors, and pumpkins and squash are at all the roadside stands.

It’s too early to fret about blizzards and icestorms.

If the heat is unbearable during a few hours in the day, we understand that cooler weather is right around the corner.

Gardeners are reaping the last of their harvest and preserving it for the winter.

The season is changing.

This summer I struggled with my mental health. With a medication adjustment, counseling from a Christian therapist, and the support of family and friends, I have come through the hardest season I’ve experienced since my original nervous breakdown and hospitalization in 2003.

The past few days I’ve wrestled with depression. Earlier tonight I cried on the phone with a friend over things that happened 30 years ago. (Thankfully I go to an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.)

Now that evening has settled and the house is quiet, I am remembering and meditating on truths that I learned in the early days of Christian counseling.

One of the first things I learned about in therapy was that Scripture gives us rungs of truth to help us out of the pit of depression and despair.

Some of my truths:

  • God loves me.
  • God accepts me.
  • God forgives me.
  • I am a child of God.
  • He has a plan and a purpose for my life.
  • He has never left me nor forsaken me.
  • He is with me now.

Instead of looking back on the past and remembering failures and disappointments, tonight, I choose to look forward, not backwards. I’m not going that way. I’ve been there, and it’s time to put everything behind me, tie up my shoelaces, and step into the next season in my life.

The photo above was taken by a friend of mine. The Light of God is shining in this fall season, just as it is shining in my life.

From the Archives: Rungs of Truth

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

It’s been a few years since I wrote this post.

I first learned these truths during counseling session #1 in October 2013. Tonight, I needed to reread this and remember these steps. I thought sharing it again might be helpful to others.

Week 1 of my Journey out of the Pit

I started going to a Christian counselor in October 2013 to help me through the grief and depression I was stuck in.

I’m certain God led me to this counselor, as she and her husband were missionaries in Saltillo, Mexico, around the same years that I studied there. Not only that, but she studied Spanish at the same language institute that I did there in Saltillo, just not at the same exact time. It was enough of a connection to believe that God brought her into my life to help me heal.

One of the first things my counselor did was share with me Psalm 40:1-2.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.

The verses describe what it feels like to live in depression and grief.

My counselor gave me the word picture that there is a pit of depression, but there are rungs to help us climb out of it.

The rungs are truths that we know. For a Christian, those truths are founded in the Word of God.

My late husband had made notes in the margins of his Bible. I had come across these words he’d written in the book of Ephesians:

God loves me.

God accepts me.

God forgives me.

These were three truths that I could count on. They were rungs that I could use to help myself climb out of the pit.

I added a truth of my own:

I am a child of God.

My counselor agreed with these truths. She also added some.

I am who I am by God’s design.
God gave life to dirt. He made us in His image. My value comes from being made in the image of God.
God sees us as His children.
He delights in us.
He loves us for who we are.
Whether we believe it or not, it’s still the truth.
As a person thinks in their heart, so they are.

These are the rungs of truth that I could use

to climb out of the pit of depression.

Before I could grasp hold of a rung, however, I first needed to catch myself thinking negative thoughts.

I had to picture a stop sign.

Once I caught myself thinking a negative thought about myself, I could stop the thought from taking root.

The the next step was to replace the negative thought with a positive truth. After a while, these truths became a part of who I was.

The process of climbing out of the pit did not happen overnight. Sometimes it was two steps forward and one step back. But I continued to go to counseling and built on that foundation.

Over time and through much prayer and determination, I can say that I am safely on the topside. Occasionally I slip towards that pit, but God has helped me to remember what I’ve learned and keep from falling back in.

Edited to Add:

I haven’t read this post for quite some time. I was amazed at how much I’ve forgotten about it. God wants me to remember that He is my heavenly Father, that He loves me and accepts me just as I am. I am His child. And so thankful to God for His faithfulness in my life.

From the Archives:  Finding Joy Again

/ Carol Underhill / 2 Comments

Having an Advent wreath in my home is something that I didn’t start until a year or two after my husband passed away. At the time, I was looking for a way to make Christmas more meaningful to my son, who was in elementary school at the time. So I bought an Advent wreath. It was plain with brackets for the candles, so I made it more festive with fake greenery I had on hand.

I purchased the candles as a set. I bought a long lighter and a candle snuffer so my son could participate in the lighting of the candles. (His favorite part being “unlighting” them.)

For a few years, we did this together, then he reached his teens and no longer cared to participate.

I continued setting up my Advent wreath at Christmastime and lighting the candles each year. (I always have to dig out the little pamphlet that tells what each candle means, but that’s okay.)

I’m not always a frugal person, but in this instance, I was. Year after year I used the same candles until they were melted down about halfway.

This year I decided it was time for new candles. I ordered some online.

When they arrived I was disappointed that one had cracks in it. And they didn’t quite fit my wreath.

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As you can see from the picture above, they are leaning a little.

This year it was hard for me to think about lighting the candle for Joy. We’ve experienced loss in our extended family and a very dear friend also began her journey with grief. I didn’t really feel the joy of the season, so I didn’t light the candle.

Now it was nearly the close of the third week of Advent. And I still had not lit my candles.

Today, as I went about my day, the words of the song, “Through all of It” by Colton Dixon kept coming to me.

(I’ll post the link to the YouTube video below).

The lyrics that were running through mind are:

“I have Won, I have Lost, I got it right but sometimes I have not. Life’s been a journey, I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret, but You have been my God through all of it.”


I played the song on my music app. I read the lyrics as I listened. 
After listening to the whole song, I was inspired to light my Advent candles.
I lit the candles for Hope, Peace, and yes, I even lit the candle for Joy (The pink one).

The words of the song are so true. My life has been a journey. There’s been times of both joy and pain, it seems, and oh so many regrets.

As you can see in the photo, my candles are leaning a little. My Joy candle is not very strong in its position.

Sort of like my emotions this year.

My Joy is faltering a little. It isn’t very strong.

But I was still able to light it, and while leaning, the candle is secure in its brass holder. (Like we are in God’s love.)

It was only lit for a minute or two, while I played through the song, “Through all of It.”

By taking this moment in my day to focus on the reason for this season, I felt hope that there will again be joyous celebrations ahead.

As promised, here is a link to the Lyrics video on YouTube, “Through all of It” by Colton Dixon.

Sweaters and Knee Socks

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

I grew up in a family that didn’t have much money for extras. We didn’t buy name brand clothes. We shopped at garage sales before it became popular. Mom made sure we had a couple of new outfits for school each fall and new dresses for Christmas and Easter. Sometimes they were homemade.

Fashion was all about Izods and Calvin Kleins when I was in high school. I don’t think not having name brand jeans and shirts really mattered to me. But one trend I wanted to have so badly was a wool skirt with a wool sweater and knee socks. That outfit was really popular and something I yearned for.

My senior year, a cousin bought me a wool sweater for Christmas and my aunt paid me in wool skirts for babysitting her boys. When I went off to college that fall, I was ready to be in style.

Only people in college didn’t dress that way.

I had missed out on wearing the trend. Now my clothes were out of style at the small college I went to.

My country roots were showing.

(Things got better at the end of my freshman year when a settlement from a driver’s ed car accident came through, giving me spending money above what my college costs were. I bought parachute pants. {Cringe} I actually wore them!)

However, the outdated style didn’t stop me from making friends and experiencing some of the fun the conservative college offered.

One experience I remember well early on in my freshman year was a spiritual retreat. I don’t know where the campground was, but the girls’ bathroom were all open-stall toilets. Needless to say, I didn’t feel the urge to go.

There were also really tall, old growth trees. When we all took a walk through the trees, the leader told us to lay down on the ground and look up. I still remember how majestic the treetops looked from that point of view.

Experiences like this spiritual retreat helped cement the faith that I had experienced in high school and made me a stronger Christian. A sophomore year trip to Mexico gave me new confidence.

I began to walk my own path. Things that had mattered before weren’t important anymore. I had new plans, new dreams.

Forty years have gone by since my college days. (Yikes, I’m THAT old!)

I felt recently like I have finally “come into my own.” I had confidence in myself and in my plans.

Then news I hadn’t expected put a roadblock in my path and I’m not sure what the future holds for me.

I love this verse and have had it memorized since I was a teen:

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”

As I have done for most of my life, in these moments I put my faith in the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Father who created me and loves me. He will direct my paths. The NIV says, “He will make your paths straight.” I like that translation also.

I am praying and waiting to see what He will do, even as I take each step that I know is right for that moment. No, I can’t see ahead, but that’s okay. He will make my way straight and clear.

Now thinking back to that long-ago retreat, I realize I am not the same person. I have a deeper, abiding faith and more life experiences to know that God will, indeed, fulfill the promise in Proverbs 3:5-6. As I trust in Him, He shall direct my path.

And I realize that if I were to lay on the ground and look up at the treetops, I wouldn’t be able to get back up! (Not gracefully, anyway).