Life’s Journey

Finding Truth in Your Thoughts: Steps to Healing

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

Week 2 of my Journey out of the Pit

Last week I shared insights from my Christian counselor. When I was in the pit of depression, the truths that I learned were the rungs that helped me climb my way out of the pit.

I first had to recognize that what I believed about myself was not the truth about me.

In one session, my counselor was trying to print something and had to change the default printer to a different one. She said that it was similar to what takes place in my thought process.

My “default” feelings:

Blaming myself when something goes wrong

Thinking that everything bad that happens is my fault.

Feeling that I am not worth anything or a bother to someone else.

Believing that I am less ____ than anyone else

Harboring resentment

Feeling guilty for past sins or mistakes

To find healing from the depression, I needed to let go of these thoughts. I needed to learn to Stop, to Catch my Thought, and to Change the Default.

Replace the negative thoughts with the truths about who I am. (See Previous Post: Climbing Out of Depression: Key Steps to Healing).

Phillipians 4:8 gives us an illustration about the things we as Christians are to think about:

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Remember, our feelings affect our thoughts, and our thoughts influence our actions.

Often times I feel like people don’t like me, or I did something dumb and they now think poorly of me. My thoughts turn against me, telling me that I’m a bad person or I’m unlovable.

When I think like that, I turn inward and pull away from people who care about me or stop going to the places where the events happened.

I am my own worst enemy. But my feelings are not facts.

A few of the facts about me are:

  • I’m not dumb.
  • I am who I am because that’s how God made me
  • I’m okay the way I am.
  • I’m not like everyone else.
  • I might have made a bad choice but that does not make me a bad person.

When we catch ourselves in a negative thought, we can turn it around and replace it with a positive truth, or affirmation. We can learn to change the default thought.

No one can do this for us. We can only do this for ourselves, and by the grace of God.

I’m not suggesting that this is easy. In fact, it’s very hard to change the way we’ve thought about ourselves for so long.

We need to take this healing process one step at a time. One day at a time.

Don’t look at a week, a month, or a year.

“THIS is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

From Country Roots to New Dreams: A Spiritual Reflection

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

This post was previously published in October 2024 under Sweaters and Knee Socks.

Today I’ve added an update to the original post to share how God has directed my path.

Sweaters and Knee Socks

I grew up in a family that didn’t have much money for extras. We didn’t buy name brand clothes. We shopped at garage sales before it became popular. Mom made sure we had a couple of new outfits for school each fall and new dresses for Christmas and Easter. Sometimes they were homemade.

Fashion was all about Izods and Calvin Kleins when I was in high school. I don’t think not having name brand jeans and shirts really mattered to me. But one trend I wanted to have so badly was a wool skirt with a wool sweater and knee socks. That outfit was really popular and something I yearned for.

My senior year, a cousin bought me a wool sweater for Christmas and my aunt paid me in wool skirts for babysitting her boys. When I went off to college that fall, I was ready to be in style.

Only people in college didn’t dress that way.

I had missed out on wearing the trend. Now my clothes were out of style at the small college I went to.

My country roots were showing.

(Things got better at the end of my freshman year when a settlement from a driver’s ed car accident came through, giving me spending money above what my college costs were. I bought parachute pants. {Cringe} I actually wore them!)

However, the outdated style didn’t stop me from making friends and experiencing some of the fun the conservative college offered.

One experience I remember well early on in my freshman year was a spiritual retreat. I don’t know where the campground was, but the girls’ bathroom were all open-stall toilets. Needless to say, I didn’t feel the urge to go.

There were also really tall, old growth trees. When we all took a walk through the trees, the leader told us to lay down on the ground and look up. I still remember how majestic the treetops looked from that point of view.

Experiences like this spiritual retreat helped cement the faith that I had experienced in high school and made me a stronger Christian. A sophomore year trip to Mexico gave me new confidence.

I began to walk my own path. Things that had mattered before weren’t important anymore. I had new plans, new dreams.

Forty years have gone by since my college days. (Yikes, I’m THAT old!)

I felt recently like I have finally “come into my own.” I had confidence in myself and in my plans.

Then news I hadn’t expected put a roadblock in my path and I’m not sure what the future holds for me.

I love this verse and have had it memorized since I was a teen:

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”

As I have done for most of my life, in these moments I put my faith in the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Father who created me and loves me. He will direct my paths. The NIV says, “He will make your paths straight.” I like that translation also.

I am praying and waiting to see what He will do, even as I take each step that I know is right for that moment. No, I can’t see ahead, but that’s okay. He will make my way straight and clear.

Now thinking back to that long-ago retreat, I realize I am not the same person. I have a deeper, abiding faith and more life experiences to know that God will, indeed, fulfill the promise in Proverbs 3:5-6. As I trust in Him, He shall direct my path.

And I realize that if I were to lie on the ground and look up at the treetops, I wouldn’t be able to get back up! (Not gracefully, anyway).

Update: February 9, 2026

More than a year has passed. I wasn’t shown a direct path after I posted the original. I tried a couple of things that didn’t work out to my benefit. One endeavor was partially responsible for a mental health crisis mid-summer. It took 3-4 months for my mental health to stabilize. I didn’t work on anything during that time.

In December, I set up a booth at a local event in the school I used to attend. From the sales that day and contacts made that month, I sold 32 books. The most I’ve ever sold in one month.

The New Year didn’t start on a very positive note, but my mental health had improved. I spent two lovely days with my sisters. Then I started to feel the depression and the wait of some of my grief coming back. I made an appointment with my counselor. However, a few days before I saw her, inspiration came to me for my writing projects.

It feels good to be inspired and even better, to see some of my dreams for my writing come to fruition.

I will publish 4-5 new books in 2026. Maybe more as God directs and finances come through.

My faith in God is stronger than ever. I feel very blessed.

From Hiatus to Inspiration: A Novelist’s Revival

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

In 2018, I began a story about a hometown football player and the valedictorian meeting up at their 15-year class reunion. Then I wrote a sequel to it. I went on to rewrite two contemporary novels from the past. In 2019 I signed a contract for my first holiday novella, then for the Reluctant Billionaire. In 2021 I signed a contract for the sequel holiday novella. I wrote another full-length contemporary that my editor rejected. I understood, it wasn’t ready for publication yet.

I didn’t write any fiction for a few years.

During that hiatus from fiction writing, I volunteered in children’s ministry at my local church. I created and wrote the curriculum we used for about 2 1/2 years. Then I couldn’t do it anymore. I lost my focus. I loved the children but I couldn’t keep up.

In 2024 I wrote my Thanksgiving novella and signed a contract for it. However, the publisher closed its doors before it could be published.

Last year, in 2025, I published that book, and no others. I had covers updated for the Courage series and the Billionaire story. I made a few sales, which equaled new readers. I had also taken a break from posting on my blog.

A few weeks ago I felt myself drifting into depression. Post holiday blues, cold weather, “stuck” at home. Then a couple of weeks ago I had spent two days with my sisters. We ate together, thrift shopped, laughed and I think there might have been a few tears. It was a welcome break in the middle of a hard month.

Last week I felt the weight of the month of February with all of its memorial dates: Pat’s birthday, Valentine’s Day, our anniversary all coming up in the first half of the month. So many memories of times spent together, the love we shared and the years after my loss.

So I made an appointment to see my counselor. I will go in this afternoon. I’ll talk to her about the hard days coming up, how I’ve been feeling the blues. She doesn’t tell me what to do, but she helps me see clearly so I know what I need to do to make things better.

Then on Sunday, maybe Saturday?

Inspiration hit.

First, I finished up the edits on that story about the quarterback and valedictorian. I hope to publish it this month and have printed copies available in March.

I hired a local editor to work on the second book about the quarterback’s brother.

I also hired the cover design for the second book.

I hope to have that book published and available in April.

I pulled up a book that I wrote years ago. At the time, we had received a used computer from a friend. I wrote 72 pages in three days. Then several years passed before I finished it.

Creative writing in the 21st century is very different from the 1900s. I’ve learned many things through the editing process with my previous publisher and editor. I am so thankful for those opportunities and what I’ve been able to put into practice.

I started editing the story, The Love We Knew, yesterday and woke up this morning excited to work on it again. It is on the schedule for publication in May.

I also dusted off the beach romance that was rejected to see if I could make it better.

I’m writing a sequel to the Lessons from Garage Sales book which will be called, Contentment at Home. Something I struggled with most of my married life and child-raising years.

Life has its twists and turns, its storms and quiet times, seasons of grief and mountaintops of joy. I am thankful that God has brought me through each moment. His grace has made living my life to the fullest possible.

I’m especially grateful that the inspiration to write has come to me again, even out of the gray and depressing month that I just passed through, and knowing the difficult days that lie ahead.

Here’s a look at the cover for the story about the high school reunion:

Finding Hope After Heartbreak

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

A while back, I thought God was doing something new in my life. For months I was excited about the possibilities, until I discovered that what I wanted was not in His plan for me.

Today I cried over the loss of a dream. Then I prayed in earnest to my Heavenly Father, who brought me peace.

After that prayer, I sat down at my computer and opened a file for a story I’d begun last winter. I’d actually started two different versions of it. Today I copied and pasted it into one document. I began line by line edits as I read back through what I’d already written. It isn’t finished yet but I made great progress today.

My heroine struggled with feelings of being unloved and unwanted, and it led her to make poor choices as a teenager. Then she spent the next decade trying to bury her feelings of regret, and continued to make terrible decisions in relationships and life in general.

At the beginning of this story, she is 30 years old and facing the consequences of her actions.

A broken heart, a lost dream, a fall into depression —

While I can relate to this heroine in some ways, God protected me from making the choices this heroine made. Throughout my life, I’ve tried to stay true to my faith. God honored my choices with an amazing husband who was faithful to both myself and to God. Losing him was my life’s worst heartbreak.

But there have been a few times in the past 15 years when my heart has cracked. And each time I feel like I am falling apart, God puts the pieces back together.

I am never quite the same as I was before the heartbreak, but God always does something better when He restores my hope.

In this Season of Hope, I pray that you will find comfort in the Loving God who can fix broken hearts and broken relationships.

Good Monday Evening 9-15-25

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

Autumn is my favorite season. We call it “fall” around here. Living in the rural community in Michigan where we experience four very different seasons, there is a thrill in the air when the temperatures cool at night, the trees begin to show their colors, and pumpkins and squash are at all the roadside stands.

It’s too early to fret about blizzards and icestorms.

If the heat is unbearable during a few hours in the day, we understand that cooler weather is right around the corner.

Gardeners are reaping the last of their harvest and preserving it for the winter.

The season is changing.

This summer I struggled with my mental health. With a medication adjustment, counseling from a Christian therapist, and the support of family and friends, I have come through the hardest season I’ve experienced since my original nervous breakdown and hospitalization in 2003.

The past few days I’ve wrestled with depression. Earlier tonight I cried on the phone with a friend over things that happened 30 years ago. (Thankfully I go to an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.)

Now that evening has settled and the house is quiet, I am remembering and meditating on truths that I learned in the early days of Christian counseling.

One of the first things I learned about in therapy was that Scripture gives us rungs of truth to help us out of the pit of depression and despair.

Some of my truths:

  • God loves me.
  • God accepts me.
  • God forgives me.
  • I am a child of God.
  • He has a plan and a purpose for my life.
  • He has never left me nor forsaken me.
  • He is with me now.

Instead of looking back on the past and remembering failures and disappointments, tonight, I choose to look forward, not backwards. I’m not going that way. I’ve been there, and it’s time to put everything behind me, tie up my shoelaces, and step into the next season in my life.

The photo above was taken by a friend of mine. The Light of God is shining in this fall season, just as it is shining in my life.