Author: Carol Underhill

Naomi’s Daughters

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

I’ve posted much about the loss of my husband which is going on 15 years this August. Feels more like 8 years. But God has brought healing through the grief. I have wonderful memories of my husband but the pain of losing him is almost gone. It creeps up on me during the annivesary dates, and I struggle emotionally for a few days around that time, but it doesn’t weigh on me every day.

We started a support group for widows specifically and call it Naomi’s Daughters. The Naomi of the Bible lost her husband and sons and the Bible tells us she was bitter. The pain that accompanies such a tremendous loss is crushing and it is far too easy to let bitterness grow roots.

I’ve come through my loss without bitterness. My faith has grown and the Grace of God has sustained me through it all. I’m not an expert on grief, but today I share some thoughts on what has made a difference for me.

The path through grief is not the same for everyone but the emotions that go along with it are shared by many. I will focus on these two today:

Anger: God can handle our anger. Like an earthly father, He has broad shoulders. We can pound on his proverbial chest in our anger and grief. But we don’t stay in that emotional state. We release our anger, and we lean into him. We allow His presence and His love to wrap us up and embrace us and hold us until our tears subside. This doesn’t happen once, or even a dozen times. As often as anger fills us, we seek our solace in our Heavenly Father.

Loneliness: The loneliness is unbearable at times. We have traveled through life with our dearest companion and now they are no longer with us. No matter the ages of our children, we will spend much time alone with our thoughts and with our grief. What do I do when I feel so lonely I don’t think I can go on? I cry out to Jesus, sometimes silently, sometimes out loud. I play music that lifts up my spirit. There are songs for every mood available on music apps. I have several playlists that help me through those hard times. And in those times, my heart becomes settled again. I have peace.

Again, why Naomi’s daughters?

We too have suffered the loss of our husbands, (or spouses, or children).

But we don’t have to allow that bitterness to take root.

We can unleash our anger in our Father’s presence and lean into Him for comfort. We remember that God is our Heavenly Father, that He is always with us, and that He has a plan for our lives that we cannot comprehend. He is faithful. He will bring about good in our lives. We don’t understand why we lost our loved one, and for me, I will never fully understand it this side of heaven. The grief looks like the underside of a cross stitched pillowcase my mom made for me. It’s a tangled mess of threads, snarls. But the upper side is beautiful. When I make it to heaven one day, I’ll look back on my life and I will see the beautiful picture God has woven through all the moments of my life.

We can cry out to Jesus in our loneliness. He understands our loneliness. We remember places in Scripture where Jesus sought comfort from his Father in heaven. He knew loneliness even when surrounded by people. He knew despair. He cried out to God in the garden and accepted God’s purpose for his life. He endured the lonely death on the cross because he knew the glory that awaited him in heaven. Jesus longs to walk this road through grief with us. We are never truly alone.

Reaching for Light: Lessons from My Cat Ash

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Warning: If seeing a cat on top of a table offends you, you should not read this post.

However, if you own a cat, you know that sometimes, despite our valiant efforts to stop them, cats will jump up on tables, counters, shelves, every available space in your house at some point.

This is Ash. Born to a feral cat in our garage a few years ago, we at first called her the Tiny Terror. You can get an idea as to why when you look at this photo of her perched on top of our dining room table.
Although she is older and less active now, I absolutely love this photo.

As you can see, her paw is lifted high as if she is trying to touch the light above her.

Does that remind you of anything?

It reminds me of the words in the following Scripture verses:

Phillipians Chapter 3.

v. 10: I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…

v. 12: Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 

v. 13-14: Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

And this verse from Colossians Chapter 3:

v. 1: If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Like Ash is reaching for the light above her, I reach for the light that is in Christ above. My goal is to know God more and to be more like Jesus. To love like Jesus did in this dark and troubled world.

Before I can lift up my hands to him, I have to let go of the weight that is holding me down. The chains of shame, guilt, bitterness, all of those feelings we’ve held in our heart because of things that we’ve done, or that have been done to us.

We can lay our burdens down and lift up our hands in worship and praise.

This song has come to mind often the past few days, so I’m posting the link to the YouTube lyrics video below.

“In the Secret, in the Quiet Place.”

Embracing God’s Invitation: A Reflection on Isaiah 55

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To start the first Sunday of the year 2025 right, I opened the Bible to read some verses today. This passage came to mind from the Old Testament book of Isaiah. Isaiah 55.

What a blessed piece of Scripture!

It illustrates so beautifully what a relationship with God looks like.

Isaiah 55:3 – Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you…

In the words of this verse, God invites us into fellowship with Him.

Does the thought of a relationship with God make sense to you?

How can a mortal being, a human who was formed from dust and will return to dust after death, be connected to the Creator of their very being?

How can we have a relationship with an unseen God?

And why would we want a relationship with a God who often appears unjust – allowing good people to die too young and wickedness to rule on this earth?

God’s response to those questions?

Isaiah 55:8 – For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

Who is this word, the Lord, referring to?

If you are unfamiliar with God as the Trinity – God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, this reference might be unclear to you. That is a topic for a different time.

Having heard the word all of my growing up years through now, I understand what the Lord means for me, personally, and that the Lord refers to Jesus, the Son of God. Yes, the same one whose birth we celebrated at Christmas. And whose resurrection we will celebrate in a few months.

Although I understand Jesus is Lord, I was unsure of a good way to explain it. I googled the term, and these are some key points I discovered:

Why is Jesus called, “Lord?”

Authority: Jesus has “all authority in heaven and on earth” (Matthew 28:18). He is the head of the church, the ruler over all creation, and the Lord of lords and King of kings (Col. 1:15-18; Rev. 3:14, 17:14). 

Obedience: Jesus humbled himself and obeyed God all the way to death on the cross. God exalted him for his obedience and gave him the supreme name in the heavens. 

Religious significance: In antiquity, “lord” was a courtesy title for social superiors, but it also had religious significance because kings were often considered divine beings 

Now we understand who the Lord is. Most if not all of you have heard the concepts, born again, becoming a Christian, accepting Jesus as our Savior. Those are ways to say that we acknowledge that we are sinners, that Jesus took our sins upon himself when he died on the cross, and that He is alive today. We repent of our sins and invite Jesus into our hearts. We ask Him to be our Savior.

We also acknowledge Jesus as Lord of our lives.

What does that phrase mean?

In the same Google search, the following was said:

Submission: By calling Jesus “Lord”, we submit to God’s rules and trust him to give us what is best.

Wait a minute!

Hold the phones! (Does that phrase make any sense with today’s technology? Probably not)

Calm down. The word Submission is not meant in a physical sense here. The word has many connotations, many of them negative. Those are topics for another day (And way above my limited education.)

Because the word Submission has so many meanings, it’s important to recognize the Biblical concept as described here:

Submission: By calling Jesus “Lord”, we submit to God’s rules and trust him to give us what is best.

Rules?

Who needs more rules, right?

We’ve been given rules to live by since we were tiny earthlings. First our parents (or caregivers), give us the rules for what we can eat, what we can touch, where we can go. Then in school, our teachers and other professionals add to those rules. Some may come us a surprise to us. (What, we’re not allowed to bite when we get angry? a child may discover after he bites a classmate.)

Did you know that you have the right to say “no”? God has given us what is called free will. He will allow us to do and say anything, but sometimes there might be consequences for our actions and words. Natural consequences, when what we do causes harm, or punishment from the authorities.

From a very early age, we learn that we can say “no” to authority. Our free will is exercised from the time a parent says to a toddler, “don’t touch that” and the toddler looks the parent right in the eye, and touches “that.”

In general, by the time we are an adult, we are tired of following everyone else’s rules. We want to be our own authority, the boss of our own life. “No one is going to tell me what to say or do.” (Hello, do you have a boss on your job? Big eye-opener.)

God’s given us free will, which means we do not have to accept Him as our Lord and Savior. We can say “no” to God’s invitation to call on Him.

When you feel the tug on your heart to make Jesus the Lord of your life, you don’t have to respond to it. You can ignore those nudges and live life your own way. But it’s clear from the verses above that God calls us to Him.

This brings us back to my original question. Why would we want a God who often appears unjust – allowing good people to die to young and wickedness to rule on this earth?

There are many arguments for why God is not a good God. Some would say He is not the God of love that He portrays Himself as in the Bible. But that’s not the way I believe.

So how can you know for sure that God is who the Bible says He is?

There’s this little thing called faith. It might only be as small as a mustard seed, but that bit of faith is all you need to recognize who God truly is. The Creator, the Heavenly Father, the God of grace and mercy. When you feel the nudge on your heart to make Jesus your Lord, you are given enough faith to say Yes. Faith is believing in the unseen God.

A relationship with God grows from that tiny seed of faith. Every time you read or hear the Bible preached, you learn more about the love and Grace of God. For me, I hear it in the words of every song I listen to and try to sing. I love both the old hymns with their antiquated, poetic words, and the contemporary songs we worship with today. (I’ve been known to have a song for every mood. My playlists will confirm that.)

Even with faith, we still question why God allows terrible tragedies and sins to happen. I would be lying if I said if I always understood the why’s.

I, for one, will never totally comprehend why my husband died in a tragic work accident in the prime of his life. Why God would leave my children fatherless and me without the rock of support that he was for me.

Isaiah 55:9: For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts,” (declares the Lord).

Do I trust that God has a purpose in losing Pat? Our loss was Heaven’s gain, and Pat received his eternal reward much earlier than most of his family and friends.

The Bible says in Romans 8:

Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

For me, good things have come out of my tragic loss. I have a deeper faith in God than I did in August 2010. God has shown himself to be a loving Father. He has sent people to help me and given me a clearer understanding of what His will is in my life. He has proven to me that He is a God of grace and second chances.

Could he have done this another way, other than with Pat’s death?

Yes, because He is God.

But again, His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than my thoughts.

Just like I couldn’t envision Pat’s death at an early age, I can’t see the big picture of how my life is going to turn out. Like the underside of one of my mom’s embroidered artpieces, what I see down here on earth are snarls that don’t make any sense sometimes.

Yet I trust God with all my heart, with all the faith that is within me, that when I get to the other side, when I pass from this life and enter heaven, I will see the whole picture, and it will be beautiful.

Won’t you trust Him today to be the Lord of your life?

God gives you this invitation in Isaiah 55:6

Seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon Him while He is near.

This life is not the End.

/ Carol Underhill / Leave a comment

We hear and read a lot about of the End of the World. Many think it is close. That we are seeing the Book of Revelations played out before our eyes.

This causes unrest among God’s people when it should really be something we are looking forward to. To hear the trumpet call and see our Savior coming through the clouds of glory.

What are we afraid of?

The unknown?

When I was in sixth grade, the year was 1976. A friend told me that they’d dug up an old man’s body and he said the world was going to end in two years. From 1976 to 1978 I lived in fear that the world was coming to an end. Around that time at church camp we watched the original Left Behind movie and it was terrifying.

When the Left Behind book series and the remake of Left Behind came out when my older two were kids, I didn’t read the books with them or have them watch the movie.

But a few years ago I took my younger son to see the latest release of Left Behind in the movie theater. As we sat there, he watched the first few minutes and I could see that he was terrified so we left.

As I grow older and my faith in God grows deeper, I have come to realize that it is nothing to fear. Not for believers. My only fear is that my loved ones will not be ready. Should I try harder to witness to them about salvation because the end of the world could be near?

I don’t believe that’s the way to reach our loved ones for Christ. We shouldn’t want them to come to the Lord through fear. Rather, they should see love and mercy play out in our relationships with them and encourage them to consider salvation. Yes, we need to invite them to church and share our testimony when it is appropriate. But we can’t force them into a decision for Christ through the power of fear.

I’m not afraid of the end times, as I was in my childhood and teen years. I know the end of this world will not be the end of life. As God is eternal, so our souls are eternal as well. Whatever happens to me in this life, I am ready to spend eternity with the Maker of Heaven and Earth.

If it means I am to suffer for being a Christian, I’m ready to stand up for my faith. God has never let me down. He is always with me, and will be with me through anything life has to throw my way. Human uncertainty creeps in sometimes, but faith in a loving God eradicates that fear in anticipation of being with our Heavenly Father.

As I grow older, I find myself looking forward to the day when I shall meet Jesus face to face. All my tears will be wiped away. The tapestry that looks snarled and tangled underneath will be a beautiful scene from heaven. Then I will understand all the twists and turns, the heartaches and sorrows in my life.

When the day comes when Jesus shall return to earth, the world as we have known it will cease to exist. But even then, that is not the end of life.

Our lives are eternal.

From the Archives:  Finding Joy Again

/ Carol Underhill / 2 Comments

Having an Advent wreath in my home is something that I didn’t start until a year or two after my husband passed away. At the time, I was looking for a way to make Christmas more meaningful to my son, who was in elementary school at the time. So I bought an Advent wreath. It was plain with brackets for the candles, so I made it more festive with fake greenery I had on hand.

I purchased the candles as a set. I bought a long lighter and a candle snuffer so my son could participate in the lighting of the candles. (His favorite part being “unlighting” them.)

For a few years, we did this together, then he reached his teens and no longer cared to participate.

I continued setting up my Advent wreath at Christmastime and lighting the candles each year. (I always have to dig out the little pamphlet that tells what each candle means, but that’s okay.)

I’m not always a frugal person, but in this instance, I was. Year after year I used the same candles until they were melted down about halfway.

This year I decided it was time for new candles. I ordered some online.

When they arrived I was disappointed that one had cracks in it. And they didn’t quite fit my wreath.

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As you can see from the picture above, they are leaning a little.

This year it was hard for me to think about lighting the candle for Joy. We’ve experienced loss in our extended family and a very dear friend also began her journey with grief. I didn’t really feel the joy of the season, so I didn’t light the candle.

Now it was nearly the close of the third week of Advent. And I still had not lit my candles.

Today, as I went about my day, the words of the song, “Through all of It” by Colton Dixon kept coming to me.

(I’ll post the link to the YouTube video below).

The lyrics that were running through mind are:

“I have Won, I have Lost, I got it right but sometimes I have not. Life’s been a journey, I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret, but You have been my God through all of it.”


I played the song on my music app. I read the lyrics as I listened. 
After listening to the whole song, I was inspired to light my Advent candles.
I lit the candles for Hope, Peace, and yes, I even lit the candle for Joy (The pink one).

The words of the song are so true. My life has been a journey. There’s been times of both joy and pain, it seems, and oh so many regrets.

As you can see in the photo, my candles are leaning a little. My Joy candle is not very strong in its position.

Sort of like my emotions this year.

My Joy is faltering a little. It isn’t very strong.

But I was still able to light it, and while leaning, the candle is secure in its brass holder. (Like we are in God’s love.)

It was only lit for a minute or two, while I played through the song, “Through all of It.”

By taking this moment in my day to focus on the reason for this season, I felt hope that there will again be joyous celebrations ahead.

As promised, here is a link to the Lyrics video on YouTube, “Through all of It” by Colton Dixon.